For those who don’t live in the US, we Americans count each other every 10 years. So in 2010 we will do it again. Now I suspect we never stop counting each other because a census man came to my house this week to count us in preparation of counting us next year.
What? Uh-huh, that is what I thought.
The boys and I were standing in front of the door fixin’ to leave for town to run errands. I forgot to pull the trash to take to the cans so the dogs didn’t go diggin’ while we were out so I walked back to the kitchen. Nathan said, ”There is someone at the front door” We say it like this when a cat or dog needs in or out, so I turned mentally counting our herd. I was sure I had brought everyone in? No, he meant a STRANGER someone. I could see his arm through the front door glass.
Stranger someone must have heard Nate because he walked quickly toward our front gate. I went after him, thinking he left a package, we have a drop off at the gate, but every once in a while we get a brave soul who opens the gate and takes the long walk to the porch. We live in a dome house so its a bit of a curiosity that draws folks from time to time too.
Nope, no package. I look for a notice of some kind. Nope. So I take off after him to find out what he was after. As I start running, his foot falls get faster too. He is behind a large stand of bamboo so I don’t see him, but I can hear him jiggling the gate.
I round the stand of bamboo and get to the gate just as he is climbing over. Climbing over? Why didn’t he just lift the latch? Oh, its locked…okay. No time to think, I am stunned by a whole lot of tidy whities flashing me as he straddles the top of our gate and his shorts are slipping down, down, down. Oh, Sweet Heaven, no more…down. The gate is lined with bamboo to cover its ugly metal piping so he may have snagged up somehow.
Its like watching a car crash, I wanted to look away, but a sense of sick wonderment drew me in. I gather it together and give my best “Howdy” and hope he knows I am talking to him not his undies. Awkward. He gets over the other side and manages a pretty impressive cop imitation “US Census, Madam, verifying your address”. Good recovery! I take the paper he hands me, just some notice about right to privacy. He won’t look me in the eye. Probably because he gave me an eye full of personal stuff and he MUST see the irony of hopping my gate to deliver a missive about my right to privacy.
Only in America! I am trying to keep my face straight and not giggle like a school girl who just said “fart” as this all sinks in.
He jumps into his black Honda and pulls away. My boys melt out of the bamboo as he goes. They are in stealth mode. I get a little chastisement for running after the guy. Like 15 years ago, when it was hailing as big as baseballs and I wanted to show the kids the biggest one. They went yelling from the porch. “Don’t Die, Mommy!”I was out in the yard picking one after another up and throwing discards over my shoulder because new, bigger ones were hitting the lawn. They were right, we heard 3 nutty people just like me got beaned to death by these monster hailstones. Angels worked overtime to save my silly rear. Why? Because the kids were watching, it surely wasn’t to preserve a great mind for the betterment of humanity!
This time they told me, you don’t chase creepy people. Again, they are right. Noted: don’t go out till the hail stops and don’t chase creepy people. Checkity. Check. Check.
Yea, this is all messed up, but we didn’t really think he was dangerous, just twitchy. He hadn’t done anything illegal ( except trespass, which I guess is okay if your with the US Census??)
Oddly, when we came back from our errands 2 hours later he had only moved one house away. I contacted the US Commerce Department, who heads the Economic Statistics Administration who runs the US Census. After all that calling and terminal hold, I was told someone would get back to me. Click. *HOOT*
So one guy we can’t shake and the guy on the phone gives us the slip!
Later we were knocking the story out for Jack and he said, “And what were the dogs doing?” You know the dogs didn’t do a thing!!They hear Jack coming through the gate before we do and lumber like noisy apes, except they slap their tails against everything and everybody something even a noisy ape wouldn’t do. Even our Guineas squawk their heads off when they see a strange car. They are really good watch dogs, those noisy birds of ours. But none of them did a thing, even when Twitchy Census Guy was standing on the porch. They slept. Birds, Dogs, Cats all sleeping like babies!
That is when we knew it was just a regular guy having a strange day and laughed all the harder. And I called the Government! *eyeroll* What a maroon! What was I thinking? Animals know people, if he had one sinister bone in his body they would have sensed him miles off.
It all added up to a little mission impossible adventure for us, probably a little for Census Guy too. He is probably blogging about it right now…
twitchycensusguy.blogspot.nom
…and she chased me…hair like Medusa..there I was straddling the gate…I heard rustling in the bushes… Deliverance flashbacks… Country People are nuts!…Only in America!
Happy Friday!
