Gotta Laugh!

My parents parked their RV at our place for a vacation visit 12 years or so ago.  We did a bit of school each morning and then in the afternoon would go off gallivanting with them. ( They can’t sit still for an entire day, they are always on the move!) So imagine our surprise when my Dad suggested we stay home one afternoon. He set up lawn chairs in the yard, pointed at my husband’s 442 ( waiting to be restored, then and now) We sat. Each time we got ready to talk. He shushed us. Finally after an hour of no talking, no shuffling about. 4 tiny kittens came out from under the car, bringing a broad knowing smile to my dad’s face.  Each sat, tucking its tail tightly around its firmly planted feet. They stared at us.

Of course my kids went wild, but in a silent no talking-no moving way having not been released by PawPaw Bill ( my dad ) yet. Our dogs had not been trained to leave cats alone at this point. In fact, they had killed a roaming male cat just the week before. So these little wonders were truly miracles, but we had to get them inside to safety. We suspected a wild cat had hide them here but was staying away because of the RV now so close.  They were thin and unclean. David Copperfield thin and unclean. So we snatched them up all hissing and spitting and took them inside the house. Long story short, 2 of these little miracles still live with us. Hank and his sister Buttercup.  Hank is the subject of this tale. Buttercup is for another time. She might need a few posts.

Short story long, Hank hated everything! He tore and bit PawPaw’s hands. He crawled up inside a box spring mattress and tore and bit everyone who tried to save him. He refused to eat. He literally danced backwards on his claws part Halloween Cat, part Water Bug if any hand got too close.  10 feet was too close.  Did I tell you he tore and bit? Okay, important think to note for later in this story.

We pushed the food bowl toward him with a broom in those early days. Slowly hunger got the best of him and he began to eat. Surely with great tenderness the boys won his trust and it was less than a month before he was sleeping by each boy’s ear. Dillon half the night, Nathan the other half.

He got his name from the long stiff strides he made, looking like he just got in from a rough trail ride. A good cowboy name was needed for that walk of his. Hank is as “cowboy” a name one can get. Except maybe Earl, Buck or JR.  Hank grew to be the toughest, meanest cat without balls around. ( we neuter and spay here…no fur kid gets to keep their bits and pieces.)  Jack especially sported Hank Scars. He would roll over show you his belly, let you think he wanted a belly rub and then leave you a bleeding fool.

One day, he just quit us. He was here for breakfast, here for lunch, but come dinner he could not be found. Days went by, no Hank. Weeks went by, we looked for him high and low. After a month we gave him up to the coyotes and started talking about only his good qualities. An entire year went by and then another, and another. We talked about him as legend. We never thought to see him…ever.

One morning I was getting ready for something fancy and my dress, back from the drycleaner didn’t make it into the house. It was early…just getting light early…so I went out to the car with nothing on. I mean, we live in the middle of no where, surrounded by trees on all sides, the car is just out the back door. Who’s gonna see?

Famous last words.

I haven’t even snagged my dress from the car when I see something dead in the driveway. I panic run over there to get a closer look. ( Remember its just getting light) I am shocked to see its Hank or a cat who looks an awful lot like Hank.

“Oh, Hank! You almost made it home, baby.” I reach down to pick him up.

He lifts his head in a flash, gives me a look that is both, terror and Damn! Humans are hideous without their fur on!!

He (no lie) leaps up from the ground, sinks his claws into my shoulder and tries to spring away but I am falling back just as fast, arms flailing ( naked girl ju-jutsu) so the angles change and his claws get stuck. Hank does what every cat has done since the beginning of time, shoves his back feet into my tummy and using his body as a lever to rip the claws free.

I am seriously re-thinking the “who’s gonna see” part of my decision and replacing it with “who is gonna believe this at the emergency room” I just keep hearing the flesh ripping, not feeling it just yet.

While I try to lift him up and away from me to get his claws loose. He turns his head and bites the idiot right out of my thumb. My lucky thumb, the one that every animal I touch has bitten one time or another. Starting with a mole I picked up at the age of 3, but that is another story entirely. Well, the wailing was the same in both cases, because I am screaming my head off now.  When I boo-hoo…believe me…it could take the house down.

Anyhoo, biting my lucky thumb is the last straw. I have perfect clarity now. I grab the little monster by the back of the neck, rip him free, smoosh him face first into the grass where his claws can’t get another wack of me. I get my lucky thumb hand on his hips and press them down so he can’t pogo around. Breathing hard, I get a chance to process all this for a minute while Looks Like Hank is mewing obscenities at me.

Okay. This was weird.

I decide to take Might Be Hank into the house. I don’t know why?  I just do.  I could have just let him go, but I am an idiot who has come too far to start thinking now. I grab hold of his back legs in my lucky thumb fist and pull tight against my hold on the back of his neck so he can’t start more ruckus. Walking with stiff kitty is not easy.  Getting the door open is not easy. I turn him loose when the door closes and let him find a safe spot to calm down. He peals off fishtailing down the hallway.  

All this and no dress.

Now I am mad!

Do I pull on shorts? No.

Grab a robe? No.

I marched outside bold and bloody, grab my dress ( still in the plastic wrapper, thankfully) and stomped back into the house. Hank is curled up next to Buttercup when I return. Already asleep. I guess he wasn’t as traumatized by his homecoming as I was.   I see its Hank, now that he is not trying to shred me.

I can laugh about this now because it was so long ago, but that day I was needing restraints.  I almost grabbed him back up again. How DARE he be sleeping. I stomp off to get dressed and lick my wounds. “Crazy Cat!! I thought you were dead!”, was all the better I could do.

What a putz!

A few years later my one time neighbor, drops by. He has long since moved away and was just checking out the neighborhood. I invited him in for dinner and while we waited for Jack to come home he said this to me.

I have to tell you this, its been bothering me for a long time. Remember when I used to live here? …Well one morning I was leaving for work late and forgot to put my trash in my dumpster, so I used yours. I heard the door slam and thought you saw me dumping my trash. By the time I got to where I could see if you were coming over, I saw you were stomping into the house with what looked like a body bag, you were naked and blood was running down your arm.  You looked so mad, I thought you killed your whole family.

I am wondering… what was that all about?

I told him the whole story, and then we laughed about it, because Hank had some time in the story wandered up into his lap and fallen asleep.  It was a Hollywood ending, for certain.  Happy people giggling about some misunderstanding…hardy har har!

It wouldn’t be a Hollywood ending without a twist…One thing I had to ask, is why if he thought I killed my whole family did he accept my invitation to have dinner.

“Oh, I know you didn’t kill anyone. I borrowed some night vision goggles from my unit ( National Guard) and surveilled you for two weeks just to make sure.”

“Two Weeks? A couple of days would have done the trick, right?”, I thought aloud.

“Well, a few days to be sure you were not a murderer, a few more to be sure you were not a nudist.”

Awkward.

End Note:

Hank is still with us, going on 12 this fall. He doesn’t scratch or bite anymore. He is a delightful little snuggle bug. He has no lasting effects from our cat fight except that he doesn’t bite or scratch anymore.  He does prefer Jack and the boys to me, but mostly because they sit more. He loves a lap that stays put if he is going to lay in it.   He never told us where he was those years he was gone. Strange as our days have been with him it would not surprise me if someday he spoke up and told us. 

* giggle *

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I built a layout showing Hank’s softer side. This is him snuggling with Dillon after Dillon’s Wisdom Teeth were removed. Hank is a good medicine pet.

I used Kim B’s most recent Mini Grab Bag ( #6) Its a big hit! More in this one than usual. I feel odd saying “mini” since its got 4 full size CU products and 1 bonus for the same $4.00 price tag! Big stuff, little price. ( I thought of that bit myself! *smile* NICE right?)

Just in case you were wondering. These goodies are not repeated items from other kits or whatnot. Kim builds these new every week. Brand New! I am just getting used to the idea of my chin hitting the floor each time she posts a new Grab Bag product. Each one is better than the last. 

As always, this Mini Grab Bag has a short life. Get it before July 5th is over. After that, check out Kim’s Blog to see each item revealed as it is upped to Kim’s Store for individual sale. 

Also for Hank’s LO I used papers from Kim’s Moody Days Kit. I am quite the fool for this one. I am finding new things to do with it all the time. Really a must have. Its so versatile.

Look at this…

only $3 bucks for this gia-normous  kit!!

…if you get it this weekend!

…along with everything else in Kim’s Store! Excluding Grab Bags, of course…already a steal!

 HAPPY 4th WEEKEND SALE-

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We are going to watch fireworks in Fort Worth this year. Fort Worth folks crowd into Granbury making long lines of traffic to get that small town feeling each Fourth. We usually jump into the crowds with them and watch the fireworks at the lakeside. But lately its taking hours to get home after the fireworks are done.  Kind of takes the shiny off of the evening for us. We got to thinking.  What if we go the opposite direction and watch the big show in Cowtown ( Fort Worth)?  Then if we have to wait to get out of town we can do it at an all night diner, not creeping along a country road with thousands of other tired people. I don’t even know if they do a fireworks show in Fort Worth. I am thinking they must?? I guess I best get to looking! LOL! Will let you know how that goes.

Camera Packed.

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Hey if you are still with me at the end of this MONSTER POST, Thanks! What stick-to-it-tivity you have!

For all those celebrating the Fourth of July, be safe.  Respect the firework! Fingers, toes and eyebrows are good things to hold on to!

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Edited: July 3rd, 2009