First Worst Haircut
Okay I got the worst haircut of my life! And that is really not saying much, because with big, curly, scary hair like mine I have never really been able to tell bad from worse.
It always looks like I got run over by a hormonal pack of peckish nanny goats. Its a look that comes in and out of style. Mostly out.
I have made peace with horrible hair. Its now my trademark. I often love it. There ARE perks. You know people who have wonderful hair and the first time you see them before the morning fix up. Your slippers fly off because they are hideous? Hair sticking up all over the place, flat to one side. A wayward section up top that moves even when their head doesn’t? I know you know what I am talking about. You’ve seen it.
There is no sticker shock with me. I wake up looking just as wayward as I do all day for the most part, maybe a few more pieces a-flailing. Jack asks, on occasion, did you go to sleep? That means I am having a good hair day! * giggle* BTW, bed head has never happened to Jack that I can recall. He has one of those tight to the head, military flat-top dos. The kind that make people think he has at least a couple of guns and a pair of brass knuckles tucked somewhere. He only looks at bad hair, he doesn’t get to have it!
When I have too many pieces just, boing boing boing all over the head I have these cute little do-dads in the shape of tulips and lilies that are no larger than a jellybean that I tack on to the springy places. Its looks planned in a gale force winds kinda way! LOL! Keeps the annoyance level down a bit. Having slinkys up top can be irritating. What a bobble head might feel if it could feel.
Back to the perks…
I never have to care if its raining, windy, or both.
I never have to fuss about what this shampoo or that condition is going to do to my hair.
I never have to decide up or down. If I am going anywhere my husband’s job might be at stake…UP. Pictures? …UP. Everything else DOWN. ( not all of it lays down, but I consider a majority rule here. Most laying down? Good. )
So all in all. Its carefree acceptance.
Back to the worst haircut …ever!
The only way I know I got the worst haircut of my life, and I didn’t even notice this until I got home…* hoot* was because there was an entire top/back section that was never cut.
How could you tell??? You wonder.
…this is the hilarious part! I almost didn’t!
After leaving the salon, going on a few charitable calls for the local historic society fund raiser, and pumping gas, I noticed a section was kind of slapping oddly against my head. I ignored it, since that happens a lot, but this DID seemed like a BIG section.
So I took a look when I got home. The section seemed to stand apart from the others, not something I had not seen before. I grabbed it and held it straight up. Like if I had a horn coming from the top of my head so I could see it better in the mirror. It looked to have been combed through only halfway. So it was somewhat smooth then abruptly stopped and then an explosion of frizz…again don’t panic, nothing out of the ordinary. On closer inspection though, I found 2 teeth of a comb imbedded in the tangled mass and a huge knot. Bingo!
Control: We’ve got a bird’s nest. Repeat. We’ve got a bird’s nest.
Can’t cut it if you don’t comb it! Right?
LOL! Maybe one can, I’m a freak not an expert! But I don’t think my hair-girl did. I think what I saw was a sign of a hairstylist giving up.
Desperation. Despair. Failure.
Imagine her looking at that spot throughout the rest of the cut, afraid to go back in there. Trying to blow dry around it, styling it somewhat. ( I guess) I should have known something was up when at the very end she decided to put some kind of waxy stuff on. It was like glue or something. No combing it through after slaping it on. And after the blow dry? Even I know that is not slapping stuff on time. And only in top/back, ( where the ugly happened to be) Still I can’t entirely blame the cutter, I didn’t reach back there and check that out when she was spackling it! LOL! I should have.
I am sure you are thinking…How did Jodiann not see this patch of nasty. Was she not offered a chance to see the back of her own head with a hand mirror?? Yes… Yes, I was.
There is a very simple explanation, I lied. I looked in the hand mirror, the stylist gave the chair a spin and I lied to her. You see I wear glasses or contacts most of the time and I can’t see a thing from chair to mirror without them. It never fails to be a glasses day when I decide to get a haircut. Every hair person I know insists they come off. Rookies learn this the hard way when glasses get caught by the comb and fly across the room.
They always get put somewhere safe and its a bother to get them out from the chair. I used to make sure I had them during the big reveal, but these things remain true over the many years I have had hair…
This is not Hollywood, I know what kind of hair I have. I will not look in the mirror and see something gorgeous back there no matter how much this haircut costs. I have paid hundreds, I have paid nothing, the results are pretty much the same. So I profess the Emperor is beautifully dressed. We all thank each other. I get released from the chair, I leave a big fat tip next to the picture of them with their adorable, well groomed kids and I make tracks.
Fast forward to my discovery in the bathroom…I removed the teeth of the comb and kept them in my barrette drawer, next to the tiny tulips and lilies. Great souvenirs! I combed out the tangle and there was some “good” hair in there. ( attached and not splitty) I measured it against the cut sections to either side and whacked off the extra. It hit my nose on the way down and kind of waxed to it. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and for once, my hair was not the funniest thing on my head. the giant bur of hair that could have come from someone’s pool drain was covering up my nose. I looked kind of like a teddy bear. I tried to call the kids but it fell off when I took a breath. That visual must have been for me alone. * grin*
Phew! I must remember to leave myself a VERY big tip!
Hoot!
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Lyric Challenge!
I am pretty excited to be running the Lyric Challenge over at DSO. Come on over and get free stuff just for posting a layout.
This is what you get…
And there is a Full Alpha ( uppers, lowers, numbers and symbols) too…just for posting.
The Lyrics are from Grandma’s Feather Bed by John Denver.
The overall theme is Grandmas: Being One, Having One.
Gather up your Granny pictures or those of your adorable grandchildren and head over to the Lyric Challenge at DSO for some playtime!
Life is good, don’t forget to play a little!!
Edited: October 14th, 2009